Assalamualaikum wbt.
Dengan nama Allah yg Maha Pemurah
lagi Maha Penyayang.
Eid Adha 2021 : Klang, Selangor.
It's been a long time since my last entry here; a poem entitled "Hole" (click here to read the poem in my previous entry). I read it again just now and it left me in awe. I sounded so deep and immersed in my own world haha. I remembered back in my IPG years, i was so into poems writing that i could say this passion of mine led to a nice collection of English poems, solely written by myself. Hahah can you imagine to that extent? I wrote about 9 poems during my foundation year (if im not mistaken) and another 21 poems during my degree years. All of them varied in different genres but i found my interests mostly in motivational, relationships and scientific poems. Unfortunately, i lost all of them due to inability of my phone storage. I tell you, if you ever involve yourself in writing, always have a copy on physical paper...please do not repeat my mistake; keeping notes and poems in the phone ain't worth it :'(
But hey...why did i rant over past mistake? Hahaha lain yg nak dicerita, lain yg ditulis. Anyways...
Just wanna share a few snippets of my life in 2021. It has been almost 4 years i didn't write anything on my blog. Somehow i believe Allah led me here today to share a few reflections from my current life. I hope it will be of benefits for you :)
As you can see from the picture above, i'm currently an English language teacher at a primary school in Klang, Selangor. I've been posted here in the middle of February this year. Alhamdulillah, I passed my Bachelor degree and SPP interview with flying colours. I rented a house with my housemates, started my new job and owned a good salary. Nothing fancy, i just lead a normal life like how a novice teacher is but not gonna lie, there are a few things (or life tests i would say) occured on me for the past few months.
But the highlight is, right now...the moment i'm writing this entry, i'm currently undergoing the recovery phase of a "long covid" patient. Yes, i was tested positive for covid recently. As we all know Malaysia, including other countries worldwide are fighting their very best against this virus. It has been an arduous journey i would say? Because it took our time, youth, family members, happiness and many more in just 2 years. In a blink of an eye, everything is different now. We have the new norms, which applied to all sectors and people, be it government or private, youngsters or elders, even the babies too.
My personal experience, i'm a stage-3 covid survivor and i was admitted into MAEPS Serdang (a quarantine centre for covid patients in Selangor). It was once in a lifetime experience as i learnt countless lessons here. I got to meet a nice 50 y/old auntie with abundance wisdom and fruitful advices and also a 60 y/old auntie who is an anti-vaccine. What a contradict situations right?
I also learnt the real meanings behind daily phrases "put our trust in Allah" and "be patient, Allah will help you". I admit they are easier said than done. Being a covid survivor put me in a position where i lose myself whilst fighting the virus, being far from home, family and friends, and started to realise that Allah is the only One whom i could turn to. I tell you, this was the turning point in my life where i felt much closer to Him. Closer in my ablutions, my prayers, my taubat, my daily intentions, my mind and also my heart.
Can you imagine? The last few hours before you're taken to MAEPS by an ambulance, the doctor reminds you to label your belongings with full name together with your waris' name, because none would ever know if you'll come back healthy in piece, or end up be buried in grave. Pardon for my harsh language but my point here is, i knew that THAT moment was not a joke. But alhamdulillah, Allah saved me. My 9-days quarantine in MAEPS is the biggest flex and greatest blessing ever in my life, truly alhamdulillah.
But it did not end there :'( i continued my normal life after quarantine but my body just refused to give me full cooperation. Little did i know, it was fighting against long covid and depression inside. Yes, you heard me. I was diagnosed with long covid symptoms and early signs of depression (not many of my family members and friends know about this but i took a huge step to expose it here since i could only express my feelings through writing). Allah knows how hard it was for me. I hid it and fought alone. I did not want to seek for help or involve anyone except for the doctors. I strongly believe that i've already caused much troubles since day-1 i was tested positive.
However, i was wrong. Being tested with so many things rang me a bell that every man can never live alone. Even Allah said in the Quran, He made Hawa from Prophet Adam as a companion. He did not cast Prophet Adam away from the heaven and leave him alone on earth. Only He knows what's best for His creations. He is the Most Merciful, Kind and Generous of all.
Thus, an abrupt of realisation; if it was not for Allah's love, my family's, friends' and closed ones' supports, i wouldn't be writing here right now. I wouldn't have the energy to share my experience and tell you how truly kind and generous Allah is. I wouldn't have the chance to breathe for the second time after every shortness of breath, vomitting, chest and muscle pain, fever and headache i had (long covid). It's like i'm having the second chance of life tho i'm still struggling to recover. Truly alhamdulillah :)
There's so much more i wanna share with you. I could go on and on all day but my body needs a rest now. Just few last words, fighting against covid and depression both at the same time is definitely not an easy battle. People might never notice that because i wouldnt show them my struggles. I hid them, for only Allah knows why. It was really hard and painful. In shaa allah, i'll try my best to recover and put my dependency solely to Him. He surely will help me. He tests me endlessly to exercise my sabr and upgrade my inner strength. Hopefully in shaa Allah :)
If you're in the same boat as mine, fighting with tests after tests in life, please do not be sad. Talk to Allah when others aren't available for you. Cry to Him when your family isn't around. Tell Him your worries and sorrows when others seem to disconnect from you. Most importantly, ask for His forgiveness in your prayers because we will never know how much sins we have done our whole life...which may be the roots of our struggles and life tests.
I hope, my humble sharing here would mould a positive mindset for us to keep on fighting. In shaa Allah, we got this!
~ Fai, Malaysia: 6.58 pm
"Always note that Allah will never leave us alone. He sees, listens and cares for us. He is the only who will stay by our sides despite of what had happened. He will never write anything bad in our journey of life. Please remember that."
